Weekly Arrest Report

Report from the Red River Sheriff’s Office for January 20-27,  2023.

This information has been provided by a law enforcement agency as public information. Persons named or shown in photographs or video as suspects in a criminal investigation, or arrested and charged with a crime, have not been convicted of any criminal offense and are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.


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DARE Graduation at Red River Academic Academy

On January 25, 2023, seventeen Red River Academic Academy (RRAA) students earned graduation certificates for successfully completing the requirements of the DARE program. Red River Parish Sheriff’s Deputy/DARE Officer Irvin Raphiel Jr. officiated the ceremony.

DARE, which stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education, is a program designed to teach students the dangers of using drugs, alcohol, and tobacco as well as “how to say no” using DARE’s five resistance strategies. Topics covered include communication skills, peer pressure, stress, and bullying along with facts and health effects of using drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Students also learned the DARE Decision Making Model which is designed to help them make safe and responsible choices throughout their lives.

While all the students did a great job, each year one member of the fifth grade class is selected as a workbook winner while another is recognized for writing the best DARE essay. Congratulations to essay winner My’Kaylah Thomas and workbook winner Elizabeth Demary!

Several students participated in the program by welcoming parents and guests, leading the Pledge of Allegiance, reading the winning DARE essay, and performing inspirational readings. All the DARE graduates did a great job of entertaining those in attendance by singing the DARE song. Fifth grade teacher Mrs. Pickett announced the names of the graduates who, in turn, were greeted by Chief Deputy Moore, Lieutenant Murray, and Principal Daniels as Deputy Raphiel presented their certificates.

During the ceremony, Principal Daniels, Deputy Raphiel, and Lieutenant Murray (on behalf of Sheriff Edwards) spoke to the students about the importance of making wise decisions and the importance of using the information, skills, and tools they learned in DARE on a daily basis.

It was a great year and a great class! Deputy Raphiel would like to thank Mrs. Pickett as well as Principal Daniels for their support of DARE, the fifth grade students for their hard work, the parents for entrusting their children to us, and Sheriff Edwards for making the program available.

Sheriff Edwards, who was out of town and unable to attend the ceremony, would like to congratulate this year’s graduates! He would also like to thank the Red River Parish School Board, RRAA faculty/administration, and Deputy Raphiel for working together to ensure that the DARE program was once again a huge success.

Congratulations 2022-23 RRAA DARE graduating class! Job well done!


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Mayor To Be Honored

Coushatta Mayor Dr. Johnny Cox has been invited to take pare in the 35th Annual African American History Parade Celebration February 4, 2023 in Shreveport.  The invitation was issued by the celebration Founder Barbara Norton.

The invitation states, “We would like to thank you …for your untiring dedication, work for mankind and being a pilar [sic] of society throughout the African American community and other communities.  Because of your works we would like to honor you as our Trail Blazer and the mayor of Coushatta for the year 2023 during Black History Month.”

The African American Celebration Committee invited Cox to take part in the annual parade and ball celebration on February 4th.


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Riverdale Academy Yearbook Wins National Excellence Award

By Molly Seals

A recent news release stated that Riverdale Academy’s yearbook program has achieved the Jostens 2022 National Yearbook Program of Excellence Award at the Bronze Level. The National Yearbook Program of Excellence recognizes engaging yearbooks that reflect a broad representation of the student body while helping students develop 21st century skills such as communication, collaboration, and information and communication technologies (ICT) literacy.

The Riverdale Academy award-winning yearbook program is led by editor Molly Seales under the direction of yearbook advisor Joni Riggs. This award was presented to Riverdale for achieving defined criteria in between one and three of the following categories: creating an inclusive yearbook, generating school engagement, and successfully managing the yearbook creation process.

“Jostens is proud to recognize those individuals who have created an exceptional yearbook for their school and community,” said Tammy Whitaker, Jostens VP and COO Yearbook Division. “These schools did an exceptional job on multiple levels, despite the challenges presented by the 2022 school year. Yearbooks are a critical part of capturing and telling a school’s story, and Jostens is dedicated to supporting yearbook staff members as they do their important work.”

Yearbook advisor Joni Riggs stated, “This year was a huge learning experience for both Molly and me. Having a finished product is really reward enough but being recognized for an accomplishment that usually goes unnoticed made it extra special. We appreciate all the help we receive from our school and community. We could not do this without their support.” Editor Molly Seales said, “I am very honored for Riverdale to receive this award. We put a lot of hard work into making this book great, and it paid off. I’d like to give a big thanks to Mrs. Joni for keeping us on task and always making sure we met our deadlines. I’m glad I had this one last opportunity to work with her and the great staff we have this year.”


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The Chinatown Revelation

Brad Dison

John Joseph was born in Neptune City, New Jersey on April 22, 1937.  He was raised by his parents, Ethel May and John, and sisters June and Lorraine.  June was 18 years his senior, and Lorraine was 15 years his senior.  June aspired to become a famous entertainer.  In the 1930s, June Nilson, as she was known professionally, began her dancing career under the tutelage of dancing teacher Eddie King.  She danced in several performances and was featured in the opening of a club called the Pic and Pat club in New York City.  She also appeared in several off-Broadway productions.  On New Year’s Eve in 1935, she was featured as a specialty tap dancer in Earl Carrol’s Palm Island club in Miami, Florida.  Earl Carrol was a controversial figure because his showgirls were usually scantily clad.  He was known as “the troubadour of the nude.”  At some point, June returned to the family home.  In 1941, when John was four years old, June moved again to Miami, Florida to work for Earl Carrol.  Her aspirations eventually led her to Hollywood, California.

Perhaps, his sister’s ambitions rubbed off on John.  In 1954, John, then 17 years old, moved in with June in Hollywood.  John found a job as an office boy in MGM Studios’ animated cartoon department.  While at work one day, a producer noticed something special in John.  It may have been the way he carried himself, the way he said a certain sentence or phrase, or the way he smiled.  At the producer’s recommendation, John began taking acting classes.  In 1956, John received his first acting credit for his performance in one episode of a television series called Matinee Theatre.  In 1958, he performed in the film The Cry Baby Killer.  John’s career as an entertainer had been slow in the late 1950s.  In 1960, however, John’s career “took off.”  In that year alone, John appeared in four films and two television series.  Unlike June, whose Hollywood career never came to fruition, John’s career flourished for the next five decades.   

It was through his acting career that John learned a secret.  John was scheduled to be interviewed about one of his upcoming films by a writer from Time magazine.  As part of the preparation process for the interview, researchers from the magazine began exploring John’s background.  It was then that they uncovered John’s family’s secret.  Rather than revealing this during the interview, a representative from the magazine revealed the secret to John in a telephone call.  John sat in stunned silence while the magazine representative revealed that June and Lorraine were not his sisters, and John and Ethel May were not his parents.  The evidence provided made the claims undeniable.  John’s family had kept a secret from him his entire life.  John and Ethel May died without ever revealing that they were not his parents, as John had always been told, but his grandparents.  Lorraine, whom John thought was his sister, was actually his aunt.  John’s mother was June.  According to the researcher, John’s father was Don Furcillo-Rose.  June had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, which would have reflected badly on the whole family in that era.  After careful consideration, the family agreed to keep John’s true parentage a secret.  They hoped it would remain a secret forever.

John needed to confirm this for himself.  John and Ethel May were long dead, and June died in 1963.  The only person left alive who could verify or deny the claims of the Time magazine researcher was Lorraine.  He called and spoke with Lorraine’s husband whom he affectionately called Short.  “A guy calls me on the phone, and says that my father is still alive, and that Ethel May wasn’t really my mother, that June was my mother.”  Shorty was in disbelief and handed the phone to Lorraine.  John repeated the information.  After a moment of silence, Lorraine confirmed that the story was true although she was unaware of the identity of his real father.

John described the discovery as being “a pretty dramatic event, but it wasn’t what I’d call traumatizing.  After all, by the time I found out who my mother was, I was pretty well psychologically formed.”  He added, “I was very impressed by their ability to keep the secret, if nothing else.”  John jokingly referred to June as his “sister-mother.”

John is considered by many to be one of the greatest actors of all time.  He has won 3 Oscars and a host of other awards for films such as Terms of Endearment, As Good As It Gets, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  The film for which he was being interviewed when he learned his family’s secret was called Chinatown.  You and I know John Joseph Nicholson as Jack Nicholson.

Sources:

  1. Asbury Park Press, January 2, 1936, P. 15.
  2. Trey Taylor, “Jack Nicholson Grew Up Believing His Mom Was His Sister,” August 6, 2020.instyle.com/celebrity/jack-nicholson-mom-sister.
  3. Swapnil Dhruv Bose, “When Jack Nicholson discovered that his sister was actually his mother,” April 6, 2022. faroutmagazine.co.uk/jack-nicholson-sister-was-his-mother/.
  4. Aaron Homer, “How Jack Nicholson Discovered His Sister Was His Mother,” July 18, 2022.grunge.com/621340/how-jack-nicholson-discovered-his-sister-was-his-mother/

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Louisiana Tech’s Online MBA Ranked Highest In Louisiana

Louisiana Tech University’s Professional Master of Business Administration (MBA) and online bachelor’s programs were named to U.S. News & World Report’s 2023 list of Best Online Programs released today.  The online MBA was ranked No. 85 in the nation and was the highest ranked program in Louisiana for the second year in a row.

“Our top rankings coupled with outstanding placement rates for our students — 100 percent for MBA graduates — are evidence of the outstanding education delivered by some of the best faculty in our nation,” said Dr. Chris Martin, dean of the College of Business. “As we continue to grow our enrollment, we also celebrate the increased academic achievements of our students and the high impact research of our faculty. I am proud of the hard work each person in the College of Business has put in to make us the best in our state.”

U.S. News ranked MBA programs using five categories: engagement, peer assessment, faculty credential and training, student excellence, and services and technology. The 2023 rankings assessed 366 online MBA programs.

The online MBA was also recently ranked No. 1 on Fortune’s list of “25 Most Affordable Online MBAs” and No. 52 on their “Best Online MBA Programs” list.


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The Season Begins

Tonight begins the 2023 season of Fourth Friday Fish Frys.  Clara Springs hosts these fish fry dinners every month except during their summer camps.

Tonight your host is Fairview Baptist Camp.  They have wonderful chefs frying up fish, fries, and all the trimmings. Leave room for bread pudding and homemade ice cream.

The camp said, “We will start serving at 5:00 pm. Hope to see you.”


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The Ugly Side of Professional Bass Fishing

By Steve Graf

Recently, I watched a great YouTube video by Elite Series Pro Chris Zaldain. He and his wife, Trait, host a YouTube/Podcast show called “Zaldaingerous,” and I came across a 1 hour 44 min video in which they dove deep into some of the issues facing professional bass fishing. This episode featured Elite Series Pro, Matt Herron, who happens to be a good friend of mine and is never short on words. If you want the truth and perspective of a guy who has made a great career for himself, then Matt is the guy you want to talk with. He will not sugarcoat the issues and has sound advice on how these issues should be dealt with.

In this particular episode, Matt breaks down some of the problems and situations pertaining to professional bass fishing. Matt, Chris, and Trait talk about rules, sponsorship dollars, polygraph testing, the 2019 split, the new open series, and the Tony Christian scandal. If you’re an up-and-coming young man and want to know how to be a pro angler, you better make the time to sit down with Matt Herron. He will not lead you to believe that being a full-time professional angler is easy. If anything, he may have you second-guessing yourself before you walk away. He’ll probably ask you, “Are you sure you want to do this for a living?”

The first topic they discuss is the fight over sponsorship dollars and how the pool has shrunk. He referred to his days of starting on the FLW (Forrest L. Wood) Tour (2003) and how FLW ruined and burned so many non-indemnity sponsors like Tide, Walmart, Gastrol Oil, Land-of-Lakes, Kellogg’s, and many more. FLW did not deliver the exposure they promised all these major sponsors. When FLW folded, all these potentially great sponsors dropped out of the professional fishing market and left only never to return.

The market of companies out there looking to provide assistance to an angler has shrunk dramatically. Matt points out that today, it’s almost impossible for an angler to make it on his own without solid financial backing. He makes light of how mommas, daddies, or grandparents with deep pockets are footing the bill for these young anglers to try and make it. They do okay for the first couple of years, which is all they are guaranteed. Then, the 70% that don’t make it leave the sport with thousands of dollars of debt up to their eyeballs! 

Next, Matt, Chris, and Trait talk about polygraph issues. He and Chris both would like to see more anglers polygraphed after an event and have some of the questions revamped. Matt talks about how he personally knew an FBI investigator and how the FBI conducts a polygraph test. He talks about how the wording of questions is critical to catching a cheater. Then they brought up the Tony Christian scandal that rocked the professional bass fishing world when Tony was caught cheating in an FLW Tournament after his “honey hole” was discovered and investigated. It was discovered that he had made a special basket, put it in the water, and stocked it with bass. The basket allowed for his bait to enter the basket, catch a bass, and exit while the lid closed as the fish came out of the basket, retaining all other bass waiting to be caught. Tony was eventually banned for life from fishing as a professional angler and has virtually disappeared.

I could go into all the topics they discussed on this episode, but if you want to hear the undisclosed side of the professional bass fishing world, check out the episode yourself. Go to youtube.com and search “Zaldaingerous.”  The husband/wife team of Chris and Trait Zaldain interview the anglers that fish the Bassmaster Elite Series. They do a fantastic job of introducing their fans to the harsh reality of being a professional angler. There’s no topic or subject that’s out of bounds as Chris and Trait are excellent hosts with a wealth of experience themselves as professional bass anglers.

Till next time, good luck, good fishing, and don’t forget your sunscreen. Also, make sure to schedule regular dermatologist appointments. If you don’t have a dermatologist, find one!


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Riverdale Basketball Recap

By Molly Seales

On January 17, the Riverdale Rebels traveled to West Monroe to take on Northwest Baptist School. In the first game the JV Lady Rebels won by a score of 37-4. Mary Claire Jones led the team in scoring with 8 points, assists with 3, and steals with 6. Hanna Catherine Huddleston had 6 points, and Alissa Curry had 6 points and 3 steals. Charity Williamson had 4 points, while Makayla Pickett had 3 points. Ally Kate Hillman, Kaleigh Pickett, Destiney Bohannon, and Abbie Jowers each had 2 points. Emma Youngblood and Emma Giddings each added a free throw. The JV Rebels won by a score of 44-12. Ashton Almond led in scoring with 14 points and in assists with 5. Zane Givens had 11 points, and Cannon Breedlove had 8 points and 4 deflections. Colin Bates had 6 points and 6 rebounds, and Hayden Cason led the team in rebounds with 11. Jackson Hillman had 4 points and 3 assists, and Kaden McNeely had a free throw and 4 deflections.

In varsity action, the Lady Rebels won 56-30. Mary Claire Jones had 27 points, 5 steals, 5 deflections, and 4 assists. Jadyn King added 10 points and pulled down 7 rebounds, while Jessie Kate Cobb had 7 points and 9 rebounds. Makayla Pickett had 4 points and pulled down 9 rebounds. Georgia Carlisle had 5 points, and Madison Chamberlin added 3. In boys action, the Rebels defeated the Knights 65-29. Ben Almond led the team in scoring with 13 points, and Kyle Guillory wasn’t far behind with 12 points. Mason Murray had 8 points and led the team in deflections with 5 and in assists with 4. Thad Bates had 9 points and a team-high 11 rebounds, while James Wagoner had 5 points and pulled down 8 rebounds. Ryder Huddleston, Ashton Almond, Jace Wilhite, and Logan Gryder had 4 points each, and Hayden Hillman added 2 points.

On January 20, all four teams traveled to Tensas to take on the Chiefs. The JV Lady Rebels won 40-18. 8th grader Ally Kate Hillman led the team in scoring with a career-high of 11 points, and she also grabbed 6 rebounds. Makayla Pickett had 8 points and 8 rebounds, while Charity Williamson added 6 points and 5 rebounds. Mary Claire Jones had 3 points and had 7 steals, and Krista Mancil and Lily McCoy added 3 points each. Hanna Huddleston, Kaleigh Pickett, and Emma Giddings added 2 points each. The JV Rebels game up just short by a score of 34-30. Tanner Carlisle had a double-double with 18 points and 14 rebounds. Colin Bates added 6 points, and Zane Givens and Ashton Almond had 2 points each. Cannon Breedlove added a free throw, and Hayden Cason also added a free throw and pulled down 8 rebounds.

In varsity girls action, the Lady Rebels defeated the Lady Chiefs 44-7. Mary Claire Jones had 15 points, 9 deflections, 6 assists, and 5 steals. Jessie Kate Cobb had a double-double with 13 points and 12 rebounds. Jadyn King had 6 points and 7 rebounds, while Madison Chamberlin added 5 points and 6 rebounds. Makayla Pickett pulled down 9 rebounds, and Hanna Huddleston added 3 points. Kacie Harper rounded out the scoring with 2 points. In the varsity boys game, the Chiefs narrowly defeated the Rebels 61-55. Ben Almond had 25 points and 6 rebounds. Thad Bates had 9 points and 9 rebounds, while Ryder Huddleston added 6 points and pulled down a team-high 15 rebounds. Kye Guillory added 7 points and pulled down 9 rebounds, while Jace Wilhite had 5 points and Mason Murray had 3 points.


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One Killed, Three Injured in DeSoto Parish Crash

On Wednesday, January 25, 2023, just before 3:30 p.m., Troopers assigned to Louisiana State Police Troop G began investigating a three-vehicle fatality crash on U.S. Hwy 171 near WPA Road.  This crash claimed the life of 35-year-old Christopher Gray of Lake Charles.

The initial investigation revealed that a 2021 International (empty log truck), driven by 42-year-old Charles Barker of Florien, was traveling south on U.S. Hwy 171.  At the same time, two Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development (DOTD) vehicles were stopped in the right lane of U.S. Hwy 171 as work crews made road surface improvements.  Barker’s vehicle struck the first DOTD vehicle, which was a 2018 Dodge Ram truck, causing it to leave the roadway.  After the initial impact, the International struck the second DOTD vehicle, which was a 2015 Ford dump truck.  Gray was standing behind the Ford and was also struck.  An additional DOTD worker was standing in the bed of the Ford and was ejected from the vehicle.

Gray suffered fatal injuries and was pronounced dead on the scene by the DeSoto Parish Coroner’s Office.  Barker and two other DOTD workers were transported to local hospitals with moderate injuries. 

Impairment is not suspected to be a factor in this crash; however, routine toxicology samples were taken and submitted for analysis.  The crash remains under investigation.

Troopers would like to remind all motorists to make good decisions, such as buckling your seat belt, obeying all posted speed limits, and avoiding all distractions while driving.  By remaining attentive to the roadway, motorists give themselves much needed time to react to changing road conditions ahead of them.

In 2023, Troop G has investigated two fatal crashes, resulting in two deaths.


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OPPORTUNITY: Buildings & Grounds Specialist

The Red River Parish School Board is accepting applications for Red River JR & SR High Building & Grounds Specialist III. This person must have a High School Diploma/ GED Equivalent and at least (5) years of substantial related work experience in the following areas: 

Carpentry Skills

Electrical Skills

Maintenance Skills

Plumbing Skills

Leadership Skills

Ability and skills for facilities upkeep

Social skills to work around students and the public

Submit applications at the Red River Parish School Board and at  http://www.rrbulldogs.com. Deadline for submission is February 3, 2023.

For more information, you may contact Nicole Eason by email neason@rrbulldogs.com or 318-271-3150.  Nicole M. Eason, Red River Parish School Board Human Resources Department.


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Notice of Death – January 27, 2023

Ozella Glover

1946 to 2023

Celebration of Life 11:00 am January 28, 2023 at Elizabeth Full Gospel Baptist Church.

The Red River Parish Journal publishes paid obituaries – unlimited words and a photo, as well as unlimited access – $70. The obituary will be included in the emails sent to subscribers and to social media.  Contact your funeral provider or RedRiverParishJournal@gmail.com. Must be paid in advance of publication. (Notice of Death shown above with no link to the obituary are FREE of charge.)


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ETC… For Friday, January 27, 2023

The WOW ladies had fun rewarding students of Red River Elementary Thursday in the Bulldog Buck Store.  The school said,“RRES is thankful for each of you ladies and Bulldog proud of our students.”

Northwestern State University will host Flavor of Louisiana, the university’s most popular fund raiser, Friday, March 17 in Prather Coliseum.  Flavor of Louisiana is presented in partnership with the Louisiana Seafood Board and the NSU Foundation and showcases specialty seafood dishes prepared by restaurateurs, chefs and caterers from around the state, along with specialty cocktails, craft beers, desserts and options for non-seafood eaters. The event also features live music, dancing, raffles, silent auctions and more. 

Bro James Hester will be the speaker Feb 9th at Red River Man Church.  They meet at The Shop on Hwy 507.


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Clean Up on Saturday

There is a parish-wide clean-up day scheduled by the Police Jury on Saturday.  Meet at the fairgrounds at 8:00 am for your assignments.

4-H is joining in.  they posted on social media a challenge for their members.  4-H wants families and students to work together.  Take a family photo of you working and enter it in a contest and drawing for a gift card.

Lunch will be provided by the Police Jury.


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Four Riverdale Students Compete at Overall Spelling Bee

By Molly Seales

On Friday, January 20, four Riverdale Academy students traveled to Hartfield Academy in Flowood, MS, to compete in the MAIS Overall Spelling Bee. These students competed against 19 other students per age group from schools from classes 1A to 5A. Riverdale students who competed were 5th grader Brylee Halbmaier, 6th grader Isabella Stephens, 7thgrader Lily McCoy, and 8th grader Layken Gates. Brylee, Layken, and Isabella all placed in the top ten, with Isabella having the highest place with 6th.

Spelling bee sponsor Bethany Seales said, “This was a fabulous opportunity for our students to represent Riverdale and participate in such an elite competition. To get to overall, these students all finished first or second in district competition. It was amazing to watch the competition and see the intelligence of so many young scholars. These four students did an outstanding job not only in the competition but also in their representation of Riverdale Academy. They were all very neatly dressed and very polite when the judges spoke to them. I couldn’t be more proud of them. I would like to extend a special thank you to the parents, family, and friends of these students for making the long trip and supporting our kids.”

Hopefully next year we will do well again and send students back to overall. Many Riverdale students have now begun to work on their reading fair projects. The school reading fair will be held on Monday, February 6. Riverdale is proud of our spellers!


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Out with the ‘in’ crowd

By Teddy Allen

“Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t have you in our computer.”  

Can you hear worse news? 

You can — “Sorry, we’re out of bacon” — but it’s a short list.  

Such was the case this week when my friend Shine Broussard called a government entity about something governmental. 

“We don’t have you In our computer,” he was told. Cold words to hear in person, colder over the telephone. 

“Now I’m out here with the gnashing teeth bunch, out here where the sun doesn’t shine,” Shine told me. “No program. No starting lineups. No jersey numbers. ‘Not in our computer.’I’m on an island with the lepers.”  

If you’re ‘not in our computer,’ you are a non-person, is what you are. These days, you have to be in the computer. In a lot of computers, actually. You might be in your dentist’s computer, which is good when a molar won’t behave, but being in your dentist’s computer won’t help you a lick if a kidney wants to opt out of his contract and become a free agent. Then you’d better be in your urologist’s computer. Now. Today.  

There was a time when you didn’t need to be “in our computer.” There was a time when people knew your voice on the telephone, or trusted to some extent that you were who you said you were. Those days vaporized with vaudeville.  

Then you had to be “in our files.” A lot of trees died for those files. If you wanted a Social Security check or a driver’s license renewal or a copy of your transcript, you had to be in the files.  

Now the files are “in our computer.” You are in our files and in our system if you are in our computer. And if our computer says you aren’t in there, well, you can’t argue with our computer. Forget that a computer is only as smart as its programmer, as energetic as its power source and as efficient as the person who typed you “in” to start with. 

It’s the computer, bud. Don’t argue with it. You might as well try to win a spat with Aunt Ethel about how to cook greens or shell peas or do the jitterbug or read your Bible. Good luck with that!  

So if you’re not In The Computer, you’re out of the loop. In a fix. Up a creek. Down the river. Out of luck. In a jam. Between a rock and a hard place. Out of the picture. Off the radar. 

“Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t have you in our computer.” (That’s just one frantic, lonely step removed from the hazy “I’m sorry, but our system’s down” No-Man’s Land. If the system’s down, you might as well call in the general and tinkle on the fire because the game, my dear friend, is over.) 

I can imagine the computer people talking on their break. “Some poor guy called and wasn’t in the computer. I mean, come on! Idiot…Haha. Hahahahaha….!” 

Makes you jealous of people who are “in.” Things are easier for the in’s among us. But how did they get in, anyway? Being “not in” makes you feel like those people Hunter S. Thompson wrote about in the Gonzo Papers, people who chase something they’ll never so much as sniff. Missing. Back-ordered. No teng .Vaya con dios. Seeya! 

But do you really want to pay the price for ins-manship? First-born child? Life savings? Moe Bandy record collection? What do I have to give up? And here’s a question: What if you get in and you can’t get OUT? There’s you a pickle. 

Such are modern times. All the more reason to hope that when I meet St. Peter, I’m in the computer and the system’s not down. 

(Originally ran August of 2010, when all the computers seemed hot and angry … ) 

Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu 


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NSU Honor Roll

Five hundred sixty-six students were named to the Fall 2022 President’s List at Northwestern State University. Students on the list earned a grade point average of 4.0. For questions about the honor lists, contact the University Registrar at (318) 357-6171, toll-free at (800) 807-8849 or registrar@nsula.edu.

These Students made the list from Red River Parish:

Coushatta — Kaitlyn Antilley, Ethan Cole-Morgan, Meagan Corley, Heidi Murray, and Charli Williams.


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Magnolia Bend Students of the Month

This week Students of the month for the past quarter were celebrated at Magnolia Bend Academy.  Officers of the local Veterans of Foreign Wars post 7287 presented Jaxon Townsend, Raelynn Edwards and Harley Cobb were presented certificates and gift cards to Lott Oil/Chevron.

Jaxon Townsend was selected as Magnolia Bend Academy’s October Student of the Month. Jaxon was nominated by not one but three of his teachers for this award. Jaxon, a 6th grader, is the son of JC and Nora Townsend. Mrs. Kendria Sanders describes him as the most helpful kid who shows a large amount of initiative. In class, they discussed starting a garden area at school to attract birds and butterflies. Jaxon took it upon himself to solicit donations for free plants to get the garden started. Jaxon then proceeded to help dig every hole and also demonstrated to each of his fellow classmates how to do it as well. Jaxon considers the maintenance of the garden his duty and completes those tasks without having to be told. According to his other teachers, he is very faithfully focused on his Bible classes and is always eager to help any fellow student that may need help with their work. Every teacher at MBA knows that they can count on Jaxon to help them, all they have to do is ask.

The November Student of the Month, Harley Cobb. is a Junior.  She is  the daughter of Karis Cobb. Harley was nominated by Mrs. Freeman and Dr. Land for her outstanding initiative to do her very best during her junior year. She has shown improvement in all subjects, especially in science and history. Besides being a full time student, Harley also works daily at Cobblestones Childhood Development Center in Natchitoches. Harley is a dual enrollment student at Northwestern State University and plans to start working toward her Bachelor’s in Social Work with end goal to specialize in art therapy.

Congratulations to Raelynn Edwards for being selected the December Student of the Month. Raelynn, daughter of Jason and Aaron Edwards, is a 1st grader and was nominated by her teacher, Mrs. Nora Townsend. Raelynn has attended Magnolia Bend Academy for the last 3 years. When asked what makes Raelynn a nominee for this award, Mrs. Nora stated “She is always willing to help and is helpful to all her friends. Raelynn is also a straight A student and exceptional reader.” Thank you Raelynn for being such an amazing student, helper and friend to all.

Students of the month are selected at all schools in the parish throughout the school year.  The program is sponsored by VFW Pos and Auxiliary 7287 in cooperation with Lott Oil/Chevron.  For information on the program, call the VFW at 318-932-6557.


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Gas Stoves and the Law of Unintended Consequences: Climate Change Religionists, and America, Beware

By Royal Alexander

Biden Administration CPSC Commissioner Richard Trumka Jr. said last month that a ban on future gas-stove installations in homes and high-rises is on the table. “We need to be talking about regulating gas stoves, whether that’s drastically improving emissions or banning gas stoves entirely,” Trumka said. “And I think we ought to keep that possibility of a ban in mind because it’s a powerful tool in our tool belt, and it’s a real possibility here.” (N.Y, Post, 1-12-2023).

Democrat leaders in major cities across the country are moving forward with bans on natural gas stoves without regard to available infrastructure, the requirements of a reasonable transition, and the Law of Unintended Consequences.

Sensing a political catastrophe from the public response to this policy insanity, the Biden Administration quickly walked back the comments of its commissioner saying it had no plans to impose such a ban on the federal level.  We’ll see.

Meanwhile, various elected officials have responded in opposition to the proposed edict:

If the “maniacs in the White House come for my stove, they can pry it from my cold dead hands,” tweeted Ronny Jackson, a Republican Texas member of the U.S. House and a former White House doctor. 

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) tweeted Monday “the Biden Administration is once again going to extreme lengths to appease Green New Deal fanatics — they’re considering a national ban on gas stoves … The federal government has no business telling American families how to cook their dinner.” Senator Joe Manchin, a West Virginia Democrat, posted “I can tell you the last thing that would ever leave my house is the gas stove that we cook on.”

The American Gas Association responded by stating “any efforts to ban highly efficient natural gas stoves should raise alarm bells for the 187 million Americans who depend on this essential fuel every day pointing out that ‘natural gas utilities have reduced their greenhouse gas emissions by 69% since 1990 and help homeowners reduce their carbon emissions 1.2% every year.’”

Breitbart News observed that:

“Anyone aware of the past knows how absurd this latest hysteria is.  In a few short decades, we have gone from natural gas burning 24/7 in homes by way of pilot lights to natural gas only burning when the appliance is in use.  Additionally, most natural gas appliances are vented in some way, so there are no fumes at all.”

A Harvard Medical School study by Wynne Armand published Sept. 7, 2022, stated, “gas stoves affect air quality inside and outside your home, circulating pollutants that raise risk for asthma and other illnesses.”  But further in the same study, Armand wrote that “observational studies can’t prove that cooking with gas is the direct cause of asthma.”  That important detail is, unsurprisingly, being ignored by the national “media” and radical green groups.

The important point is that common sense and rationality have prevailed for the moment.

The lesson to take from this is, as stated by Gerard Baker of the Wall Street Journal, to remember this victory when future Leftist lunacies arise.

“The small triumph chalked up for common sense and normality is so rare these days it’s worth celebrating in itself.  It’s also a useful reminder that the inexorable march of government mandates, the endless effort by our rulers to enforce their “scientifically” unchallengeable dogma on what they see as a population of ignorant drudges, can be resisted.” (Emphasis added).

I close with a note of warning from Germany and the Rule of Unintended Consequences to the Climate Religionists.  Numerous news reports reveal that in Germany, the Worship at the Altar of Climate Change has been demoted by the desperate effort to keep the lights on and the heat flowing into the homes of Germans. 

 In order to provide power and heat to its citizens during this bitter German winter, the German government recently announced that Germany was reopening five power plants that burn lignite, a highly polluting type of coal which energy experts tell us produces more carbon dioxide than any other form of generation.

 The German government has also authorized that a large wind power project be dismantled to provide space for the expansion of a mine that produces lignite.

 And this is happening while China reportedly builds one new coal plant unit per week.

 We are nowhere near complete reliance on renewables, and we must diligently push back on this kind of policy insanity.


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Riverdale Cloverbuds Project

These 2nd grade Riverdale Cloverbuds already know how to use their hands for larger service! John Murphy, Elijah Coe, and Kynslie Tuggle started collecting these tabs on their own for St Jude.

If you’d like to add to their collection you may bring them to the 4-h office, and we will see they get them.  They are very excited about their project.


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Weekly Arrest Report

Report from the Red River Sheriff’s Office for January 13-20,  2023.

This information has been provided by a law enforcement agency as public information. Persons named or shown in photographs or video as suspects in a criminal investigation, or arrested and charged with a crime, have not been convicted of any criminal offense and are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.


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ETC… For Wednesday, January 25, 2023

A message from RED RIVER PARISH SCHOOL DIST:

Red River Parish parents and students Due to inclement weather conditions Report Card pick up was canceled Tuesday at all school sites.  All report cards will be sent home Wednesday with your students.  If there is a need in person for a parent/ teacher conference please call your child’s school to set it up. 

Louisiana Tech University’s Innovation Enterprise will host a forum focused on artificial intelligence (AI) at 3:00 pm January 26 in the gathering room at University Hall and online.

The forum will focus on AI, its impacts, applications, ethics, and implications in industry and for the human experience.

Red River 4-H is holding a Pet Art Contest.  Take a picture of you and your pet working and again with the finished product.  Email your pictures to jfontenot@agcenter.Isu.edu or bring your artwork to your 4-H leader at school by Feb 3rd. This is open to students in K-12th.


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